By Nelson Mwangi
Excuse me miss, the question isn’t whether I can afford you but if you can afford yourself. The only reason to why you keep posing this extremely intriguing question (Can you afford me?) is because you are certain that you can’t afford the very lifestyle you desperately wish to live. In simplistic words: You can’t afford yourself.
In this present day and age, most nubile ladies who wish to marry are tossing away great opportunities following a fallacy of whether the gentleman in question can afford them.
For most ladies if not all, the phase ‘financially stable’ has become a litmus test on whether they should marry someone. That’s why today’s marriages are holistically based on money and material possessions where morality, virtues and good values have been disdained where opulence have continued to take the center stage.
My humble and sincere question is: Where did the rain start beating us that virtuous qualities like; God fearing, rectitude, chivalry and visionary gentlemen no longer carry the day?
Times without number, I’ve said that money is a good servant but a bad master. The fact that money is a good servant makes me understand the Solomonic wisdom inked in Ecclesiastes 10:19 c ‘…….., and money answers everything.’ Nonetheless, I will never lose my train of thought on monetary matters by failing to acknowledge the advice that St Paul gave to his mentee Timothy in his first letter to Timothy 6:10: ‘The love of money is the source of all evil.’ Beyond a reasonable doubt, this truth proves that money is indeed a bad master. What about the famous marital advice: If you fail to marry a man with a vision over a man with a television you’ll watch the man with a vision in the television.
In matters marriage, it’s not about what a man drives, it’s what drives him. While the physical is variable, the intrinsic is immutable.
While there’s nothing wrong with marrying a financially stable man whom riches and possessions are just but a means to an end rather than his idol that attracts you to ‘love’ him, there’s more happiness and a sense of belonging that contrives the greatest aspect of social capital in marriage namely: Place Attachment, when the wife and husband accumulate riches and possessions together.
These are the couples who later in their marriage enjoy each other to the fullness by looking back and seeing how far they’ve come together. Their present and future glory can never resist their former story which was just but an impetus towards both their successful future and their graceful aging. That’s why the bible says that a wife is a suitable helper to her husband.
The fact that a marriage is born (is supposed to be born) out of the highest level of friendship where two best friends intimately become one necessitates reciprocity in value addition lest your spouse perceive you as a liability in his or her life.
The perception that your spouse is a liability in your life is one among the leading reasons of the present day relationship disintegration and marriage dissolution. That’s why you should marry or get married to your best friend of the opposite gender whom apart from being God fearing, rectitude, having a great personally and an amazing character must also hold both integrity and intellectual proficiency in order to add value in your life and ease your trajectory towards your greatness in life.