By Nelson Mwangi
A while back, I wrote a blog namely: Me, Myself and I mindset. This is the kind of selfish mentality that contrives to living a lie. In exercise of my full force of cognitive thoughts, kindly allow me to refer you to a biblical compendium recorded by St Luke in Acts 5:1-10. Luke narrates to us the story of Ananias and his wife Sapphira who upon selling their piece of land lied to Apostle Peter on the money they had collected. Their lies led to their subsequent deaths on that very day.
It’s very unfortunate that we are living in the days where human beings have become so dishonest that you can hardly trust anyone including your spouse. Even though the present day high levels of dishonesty are yet to contrive to physical deaths, (some already have) they have killed uncountable relationships and marriages.
The foundation that marks the inception of most if not all of todays marriages is lies. Most married couples are living with total strangers in their homes in the name of a husband or wife because their ‘marriage’ was established on a foundation of lies. But why is this happening? The answer to this very intriguing question is; since most people are in marriages to serve their selfish interests, they have to live a lie in the name of love in order to conceal their true identity of selfishness. These people have an insatiable appetite of receiving but will hardly extend their hand to give.
As long as you keep meeting their needs, they don’t care about you or your needs. While your objective is to have a happy, healthy and a lovely marriage where reciprocity in equity contrives equality, they only heed to the needs that feed their greed. To them, you are just but a bridge towards the fulfillment of their selfish gains.
Selfishness goes hand in hand with pride and that’s why selfish people will hardly apologize whenever they are wrong. On the other hand, they are lovers of money, fame, publicity, high lifestyles and material possessions and they can do anything to achieve these things. That’s why they are serial liars and cheaters to a great extent. To them, too much is never enough.
Unfortunately, most people who fall victim of such marriages are honest people who are true to self and true to their spouses as they hold a high level of transparency and accountability.
To demystify the centuries old belief that marriage is a 50/50 union, in great marriages, both the husband and the wife will sometimes outdo each other depending on one’s ability and acumen in certain areas of the marriage and life in general. Both of them must attend to their marital duties and responsibilities though not necessarily in equal measures. The sense of selfishness kicks in when either the husband or the wife thinks that he or she is there to be served without any reciprocity or responsibility whatsoever.
Noting that living a lie is attributed to selfishness, a selfish spouse will open a bank account behind your back, lie about his or her income so that he or she can accumulate savings in that very secret bank account and always make sure that your income is used to the last penny in meeting all the needs of the family lest you save a coin. These are the people who will never ever help their spouse whenever he or she is financially stuck or otherwise. They operate under the famous selfish slogan, ‘my money is mine but your money is ours.’
If you are reading this blog and I am addressing the very situation you’re going through, kindly be advised that; If your problem (s) isn’t your spouse problem, your marriage is a problem.
In reference to the saying, ‘when we all meet to give, everybody receives,’ the question I beg to ask is: “Why are you in a marriage to receive without giving?” To anyone who is in a marriage to receive without giving, your selfishness is the number one cause of the problems in your marriage. Your selfishness does not only portray laziness since you can’t meet your spouse needs, it also depicts a master versus slave setup where you are the master to be served while your spouse is the slave.
Times without number i’ve said that marriages aren’t for selfish people. Even though you are getting married to be served by your spouse, that thought must be secondary to the primary thought of you serving your spouse relentlessly. The bible clearly says that then two shall become one. The question then remains, “why have you allowed your selfishness to subject your marriage to living a separate life marked with total dishonesty?”
If you are that selfish spouse, as you continue to get your every needs met by your angelic spouse who understands the true meaning of marriage and have chosen to live an honest life and to have unabated commitment in meeting your needs, please be advised that life doesn’t have a vacuum. The more you fail to meet his or her needs, the further you’re pushing him or her from yourself. One day when push comes to shove, your spouse who you’ve for a long time treated like a slave will get fed up by your selfishness and the marriage will be no more.
With or without closure, when you decide to leave your selfish spouse, don’t be surprised if he or she comes begging for reconciliation. I am neither a prophet nor am I a clairvoyance but when that moment comes, please be advised that your selfish spouse desire to reconcile will totally be out of his or her self-interest of getting his or her cash-cow back and not about changing his or her selfish ways for a happy marriage.
Oh how I wish that I had an instant resolve for the victims who have fallen into the hands of selfish spouses. It’s very unfortunate that selfishness is an inherent problem that’s attributed to self-importance. Even though you can never ever talk your selfish spouse out of that detrimental vice, he or she can decide to change. With that change humility, honesty and generosity will be realized.
To the selfish people I say: “Never push a loyal person to a point where they no longer care.” Irest my case.